MEN'S SEX SECRETS
No matter how well you know your guy (or think you do), there are some sex secrets he's never gonna share
By Carrie Sloan
When you first start dating a guy, it makes sense that he would conceal stuff he's not particularly proud of—his disorderly apartment, his hairy back, his mother's daily phone calls. But by the time you're a serious couple—maybe even living together—you probably assume you know your bedmate's every last habit, flaw, and idiosyncrasy. Don't be so sure.
According to new research published in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, one in 10 men are harboring a serious sexual secret. "There are two kinds of secrets guys keep," says Les Parrott, author of Crazy Good Sex. "Things they wish their wives or girlfriends would understand but are scared they won't, and things they're just plain trying to get away with."
With that in mind, we polled hundreds of men to learn what they hide at each stage in a relationship and enlisted experts to offer their insights. We discovered there's a decent chance your man is keeping at least one dirty secret. Read on to find out what, if anything, you should do about it.
When You're Dating...
What he's hiding: The number of women he's had sex with
Some men exaggerate to sound more sexually experienced; others lowball so you don't dismiss them as players. "Men know that if they confess to a large number of partners, it sends the message that they're unlikely to commit to one. That is, to you," says David Buss, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and author of The Evolution of Desire.
What you should do: Take him at his word, but protect yourself. Be vigilant about using a condom every time you have sex—at least until you've both been tested for STDs and you feel secure that you're in a committed relationship. If you do somehow discover that he's deceived you about his sexual history, get it out in the open, but give him a chance to explain. "He could have fibbed out of embarrassment, insecurity, or sincere interest in you," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.
What he's hiding: He looks at porn—maybe a lot
According to a study at Brigham Young University, 87 percent of men have looked at some form of porn in the past year, and one in five help themselves to X-rated fare daily. Men like to look at naked chicks—no surprise there—but what is shocking is how quickly they can become dependent on those erotic images. A powerful pleasure cocktail of endorphins and epinephrine (hormones responsible for arousal and alertness) are released while a man watches porn, Parrott says. And that feeling can become addictive.
What you should do Occasional porn isn't the problem; it only becomes a wrecking ball when it starts to intrude on your sex life together. "The two big questions are 'Is it interfering with your life and relationship?' and 'Is he using it to avoid something?'" says sex therapist Sandor Gardos, Ph.D. If he actively hides his material and makes excuses to avoid having sex, be concerned. Broach the subject when you're calm and rational. "Angry accusations never go over well," Gardos says. Another tactic: Suggest watching together. "It becomes compulsive when he feels like he has to hide it," he says. So if you're willing to share it with him, you'll take the compulsion out of the equation. Plus, experts say, viewing erotic images together can enhance your sex life.
What he's hiding: He compares you to his last girlfriend
It's true: Your guy whips out his ex ruler and measures everything about you: your looks, your bedroom abilities, how well you get along with his friends. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. "It's normal to make comparisons, and an ex is his most recent reference point," says Christopher Blazina, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Tennessee State University.
What you should do
Nothing. He'll inevitably come to the conclusion that you blow away anyone else he's ever been with, and the silent comparathon raging in his mind will cease. When you should do something: if he frequently blurts out things like "My ex always..." or "My last girlfriend never..." It's not necessarily a sign that he hasn't gotten over her, but it can still be hurtful, Blazina says. When that happens, it's fair to tell him, for example, that you don't want him bringing up the details of their trip to Mexico. Chances are, he's not even aware he's been doing it and will be happy to stop.
When You're Seriously Dating or Engaged
What he's hiding: He still masturbates—probably more than you think
Twenty percent of the guys Women's Health polled admitted to taking matters into their own hands daily; another 33 percent fessed up to self-pleasuring three times a week—usually alone, often in the shower.
What you should do It depends on how much his habit affects you. Masturbation itself is normal behavior, but if he's avoiding sex or having trouble peaking when he's with you, those could be signs it's gotten, uh, out of hand. "There are guys who will have sex with a partner once or twice a month, and masturbate 20 to 25 times," says psychologist Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., coauthor of Discovering Your Couple Sexual Style.
If you suspect that's the case, try to refocus his hands where they belong: on you. Kerner suggests sharing a hot fantasy or dirty thought with him and seeing if that will draw his attention back to the relationship. Some men are going solo more often these days to relieve their economic stress. Sound like your guy? Treat him to extra physical affection (give him a back rub, scratch his head). This will help him associate comfort and calmness with you.
What he's hiding: He's been talking to at least one past love online
Technology has made it easier than ever to reconnect with former flames. In the past four years, the number of adults with profiles on social-networking sites has quadrupled. Experts say that men may reach out to an ex as a sort of insurance policy. "People like to have backups, not necessarily to form a long-term relationship with now, but to have as a placeholder so they're not left high and dry should their existing relationship end," Buss says.
What you should do "Often these placeholders are never used, so there's no need to worry or do anything about it," Buss says. But if you're spotting signs that his new Facebook friend may be more than just a platonic e-pal—he regularly finds excuses to go online, he tries to conceal his correspondence—he may be up to no good. "Say every time you two get into an argument he immediately goes online—that's a concern," Gardos says. "And in that case, you might need to evaluate his commitment to you."
What he's hiding: He's afraid he won't be able to stay faithful for life
Affairs are on the rise. A recent analysis of data from the General Social Survey found that up to 20 percent of men under 30 have been unfaithful, a 5 percent increase since 15 years ago. To make matters worse, our culture does a lot to propagate the myth that sex starts to suffer as soon as you say "I do," Parrott says. A University of North Texas study found that married couples in movies are rarely depicted as having a good sex life. "It's a common male perspective, especially in the early years of marriage," he says.
What you should do Fact is, many couples do find that sex starts to wane after exchanging wedding vows. So your objective should be to assure him that you two will beat the odds. Spice things up by suggesting new positions and get it on in new places, from the kitchen counter to a backyard hammock.
What he's hiding: He's fantasized about a guy—and maybe acted on it
According to McCarthy's research, this is more typical than you might guess. "The fourth most common sexual fantasy among straight men is sex with another male, especially receiving oral sex from a guy," McCarthy says. But the great majority of men do not act on the fantasy.
What you should do Stay calm, and don't jump to conclusions. "The majority of males with this fantasy are not gay or bisexual," McCarthy says. "What makes a fantasy erotic is that it's different from the reality of your sexual life." Even if you do find out he's been with another man in the past, there's probably no reason to panic. "Some men have done it, either as part of a threesome or alone," Kerner says. "If it was a one-time thing, chalk it up to experimentation." However, if you find a stash of gay porn or he's constantly pushing for a three-way with another man, you need to talk to him honestly about his sexual orientation. (Sloan, 2009)
Sloan, C. (2009, May). Women's health magazine. Retrieved August 23, 2009, from Men's Sex Secrets: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/mens-sex-secrets?page=3
Half Man, Half Woman?
Half Male, Half Female?
No, I’m not talking about Bapok aka Ah Kua (Transvestite).
I’m talking about being females with an emotional understanding of a woman and a rational of a man.
An all female, female may not understand the way they see things.
They are like wild flowers, delicate looking but feral beyond imaginations.
Or maybe diamonds, fragile looking from the exterior but when you learn what they are made of you realize how strong they actually are.
Guys find it easy hanging out with these wildflowers because most times they see things from male’s point of view not forgetting they have the male’s taste too. So, their boyfriends should find it easy being with them, no?
Less insecurity issues, no god-forbids-long-hour-shopping problems, less nagging, less sulking, less fragile, less fake, less damsel-in-distress situations, less crying, less whining and most important, less needy, less clingy, less 24/7 texting and long hours phone calls, in other words almost total freedom except for the attached part though.
But the nature of human beings is that they tend to take things for granted.
I had a long chat with one of my guy friend yesterday, and he told me some things that triggered me to write this. So there are days when you guys do take her for granted, these are the things that go through her mind:
The Female Emotional Side: “It’s late and he’s not home yet. Having too much fun that he forgot home?”
The Male Rational Side: “He spent the whole day with me. He deserves to spend time with his friends. He’ll be home a little later than usual I guess.”
The Female Emotional Side:” It’s really late. Where could he have gone? He didn’t even call or dropped me a text to tell me where he is or just to inform me he’ll be back late.”
The Male Rational Side : “He’s obviously out of credit. He’s often like that, anyway.
The Female Emotional Side: “If he’s out of credit can’t he borrow someone’s phone for a bit just to drop me a text instead of making me worry and wait?”
The Male Rational Side: “Maybe he feels awkward doing that, must be the whole male pride thing? Or maybe he’s a bit busy?”
The Female Emotional Side: “Should I call him instead? What if something actually happened to him?”
The Male Rational Side: “Why should not bother him. Stop acting so clingy like a damn girl! Let the man have his privacy. He needs a day without me.“
Isn’t this is always the case? If not exactly then probably pretty similar, right?
So no wonder there are songs out there that speak about being a boy for example “if I were a boy” and “like a boy”. See What I mean?
Like a Boy
“Girl go ahead and be just like him
Go run the streets just like him
Go home missin' sleep like 'em, creep like 'em
Front wit' you friends, act hard when you with them like him”
“Wish we could switch up the roles and I could be that
Tell you I love you but when you call, I never get back
Would you ask them questions like me, like 'Where you be at?'
'Cuz I'm out, four in the morning on the corner rolling doing my own thing”
Guys take your time to reflect if you’ve ever taken your girl for granted regardless wether they are all female or the masculine female. Owh, and try reading through the lyrics of these songs, you might just learn a thing or two.
Just think, if she does the exact same thing? How would you feel? If cant imagine how you'd feel then, think, how would you react?
I am UNDER QUARANTINE.
Here is the screwed up part though:
1. My PTPTN submission is tomorrow
2. I am as sick as a dog
3. My boyfriend is in KK
4. I am a student of UTAR. (This should actually top my list but since i'm too sick to spend too much time typing, i'll leave it there.)
Disclaimer: This post contains alot of swearing so if you are below 18 or if you are too holy for your own good please exit this post.
I am right now alone in my room and as sick as a fucking dog. If the medication i took don't work within 24 hours, i will probably be on my way to the tripple story masion reserved for me in hell soon.
My PTPTN loan submission is tomorrow but i was advised by the doctor to go back to Penang, so that i can be in the care of my family. So i called UTAR asking for their kind helping hands
towards a student who is paying close to 5OOOk very four months to their organization, to maybe arrange somethiing with the PTPTN officers so that my application can be submitted earlier. Because it is fucking impossible for me to line up and stand for hours in a throng of people in the state i'm in right now.
Here's the reply i get, " I'm sorry, we are not in control of this to arrange for early submission for you.
So i called Navin and the kind soul went on his way to campus to check if my submission can be done today instead of tomorrow of if i can send a representative to submit it all the certified documents for me because i am sick, quarantined because i'm suspected to have H1N1.
They told him, NO, i have to be there. Which part of me being sick don't they FUCKING understand?
and then he asked if he could arrange a one on one session for me or atleast let me go through first tomorrow early morning so if it is H1N1 I wouldn't be risking other students.
They simply told him that they can't waste time on one student like that to have one on one session because they are busy.
Next, Navin went to DSA to ask them for help and you know what they said to him? If it's H1n1 they will not risk me coming to campus.
Are they fucking kidding me??? which part of having to submit PTPTN application doesn't ring the "important bell"to them? Fuck, and they dare say they wouldn't risk me coming to campus when they wouldn't help me in the first fucking place? What kind of fucking joke is that?
You know what? Screw it, screw them. I'm gonna marchinto the hall tomorrow and go right up to their faces and tell them that I AM A SUSPECT OF H1N1 WHO RiGHT NOW IS UNDER QUARANTINED, IF YOU WANT ME TO GET OUT OF HERE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE YOU ARE GOING TO LET ME GO THROUGH FIRST AND SIGN THIS FUCKING APPLICATION FORM FOR ME.
FUCK YOU PEOPLE.
Have you ever heard of Jodie Marsh?
Yup.... as you can see she is famous for her 32GG size, Implants of course.
That looks uncomfortable.... i bet i can use those as punching bag... XD
......famous also for her extremely disaterous fashion sense... Wtf is that? alien cowgirl?
AAAAAnywayyyy..... back to the actual point of this post, Jodie Marsh is known in the British tabloids as boobs without brain, gaining popularity and attention by dressing scantily, flashing her boobs at paparazis, dressing in the strangest outfit u can think of, looking for a husband in a reality TV show... bottomline is, she is known for fishing for cheap publicity using her body and ahemnn... fake assets...
Well, apart from her assets, i dont think she has a good body... until recently when i saw this...
I litterally went HOLLYSHIT!
Major, major transition! According to mirror .uk, Jodie is apparently considering to trade modelling for bodybuilding. The highly controvercial model, with a 32GG boobjob has gone from a size 12 to a size 6/8 and her previous soft body is very much toned now. she quits eating junk food, drinking and smoking.
wow right? Damn... even an all boob, no-brainer beat me to it... gotta start working out again!
Thumbs up Jodie, you really proved you've got a least half of an A cup as a brain. I applaud you for the change. :)
I applaud Yasmin Ahmad for doing a great job with her own rendition of the advertisement. Maybe we all do need a little reminder. i know i did.
I LOVE YOU
To Whom It May Concern,
A self proclaim hypocrite and a chameleon? Bottomline is that, we are all human, aren't we? A being not perfect but full of kinks and flaws.. no matter how big of a liar, caniving or manipulative you claim to be or people claim you to be, everybody deserve a second chance.. but not third and fourth... being ugly means not being able to see your own kinks and flaws that is the real grotesqueness.. admiting your wrong doings mean there is a will to make a change and ammend... that takes a lot of courage and it takes a fool not to acknowledge that.. if a friend tells you it's time to change or tell you what you're doing is wrong, it means people out there care for you so there is no reason not to change..
The boy who cried wolf lied, and in the end nobody believed him when he told the truth...But what happens after that?
When people realized for once he was being honest and told the truth, they start believing in him again..
Even the boy who cried wolf was given a second chance, why not you?